You said...

When you said,
You don't watch H.O.U.S.E or C.S.I without me...
You said you stopped watching those 2 DVDs...
You said that C.S.I. DVD set I bought for you, is the best present I ever gave you...
They wet my eyes....

And you said those just after I finished writing my blog...
Is that a dream?
Is that sweet talks?

I don't know....

Yet, I desperately need those.....
For my lonely heart
=(

Regret? or not?

Another few more days, I am going to step up the stage again... sing that song... don't know why, I truly influenced by the chorus bit...

都怪我，太不争气。。。 我恨我爱你。。只是因为你是你。。

Maybe just simply because after 8 months since then, even though how hard I tried to change my lifestyle, how much I wished to meet someone else... or even though I did, I still can't get your name out of my life...

You taught me through alot... those small little bits that just exist in our life...
Yeah, I don't watch "supernatural", "house", "Iron chef", "CSI", "NCIS" now...
I don't eat KFC, I onli eat Chooks...
I don't drive past Vahland Avenue anymore...
I don't go Southlands,
I don't watch DVD on tv,
I continue back on my hongkong/taiwan series on my labtop again (by myself)
I don't cook tomyum myself now... coz I will never able to make the tomyum as yummy as you did...
Whatever I did .... Just because, I want to get you over...

Yet,
I don't park my car next to 4WD or any car bigger than mine (coz you told me not to as they can scratch your car)
I don't lock my car when I drive on freeway (as you said when *touchwood* meets accident, and the car locked, it can be dangerous... )
I watch series before I go to sleep...I can't sleep without any voices... as I so used to fall asleep with your arms around, and with your dvd movie still playing... now without your arms, I guess .. "sound" is the only thing I can fall asleep with...
etc etc etc....
Now I wait for your miss call... but you don't call anymore...I guess, my that NO to the question of "do you want to have anything to do with me?" did hurt you alot...

Now when I see everyone has finally found their loves, and I am still by myself after this 8 months... this loneliness strike me...makes me thinking of you throughout this countless night...

Speechless.....

I have to bear with this decision I made one and a half months ago...

When you drove your car away from my apartment, I know...
that's over...

I will become a student soon!!

Hmm... human beings are just so complicated... when you are studying, you wish you were working, coz when you are working, you get the money to buy the things you want..all the branded goodies, all the nice places you want to travel to... and don't need to keep asking for money from your parents; Yet, when you start working, you miss those uni days, those days when you joked around with your friend, lunch with mates in uni, study in library, nap in library, the so called "study group" at friends house (which always turned out to be "chatting aka gossipping" session..) or those days when you went back to m'sia for holiday for 3 months during your summer holiday..had nothing to worry about except for the exams that piled up during the 2 exam weeks...

So after 3 years of working full time (first yr is pre-reg, so i still did the study bit for the first yr), yeah... i seriously missed the days when i was a student, so... through the recommendation of my lil pharmacy assistant, Joy, I signed up this aromatherapy short course at Endeavour college. So after that, if I really like this course, then I will sign up the part time diploma course for it ^_^ (check it out http://www.endeavour.edu.au )

It's a 2 day short course on a Sat and Sunday, so .. I have to get someone else to work my sunday shift (but it should be no prob).. honestly, Aromatherapy is something I always want to know more about. Don't know why, I started to have more and more interest on vitamins or natural medicines side... but not too deep as homeo.. haha.. as I think I can never remember those #%$^%$ name =P

I told Joy the other day, I had this dream, or should I say ambition? I want to own a cafe, which sells different kinds of herbal tea, and essential oil, the cafe will have a different theme, atmosphere each day, where I will put different essential oil in the shop everyday. It's a place where you can relax after work, chill with your friends for our tea or coffee.. and when you need any medical advice, I..as a pharmacist, will be able to help you.... how does it sound? =)

I think....

You have really moved on to your new life, and forget about me......

I should be happy, as this is what I want in the end...

But how come,

I am not .........